At first, when I noticed this problem, it seemed insignificant. Small. A slight discomfort. However, the more I mull over it, the issue seems to expand: so much, in fact, that it could affect my entire future.

Isn’t that a solemn beginning?

When I first participated in Robotics, I seemed to be in my element. Not to say I haven’t grow into a specific place within the team over time, but I simply enjoyed it. I remember being incredibly excited about kick-off and build season, and competitions. I remember when I would be so possessed by what would happen at competition, I could get up in the morning at an early hour.

I’ve not only lost that original wonder, but I also seem to have lot my nosy curiosity about new members. Once upon a time, I would verbally and electronically badger people about themselves. Name? Grade? Most importantly, favorite color? I knew the first, last, and (occasionally) middle names of every member. I knew them. I knew their likes and dislikes, and how to strike up a conversation.

However, I’m in a new role now, within the team. I’m in the administration. I have important jobs to do before and after meetings. So, instead of greeting people and interrogating them like I used to, I do my job. My job is done well. But I don’t know the names of the people walking through the door. I couldn’t tell you their favorite colors or their likes-and-dislikes if it were life or death. I don’t know any of these people.

At first, this bothered me a little bit. So what if I don’t exactly know them? That’s what build season is for. Then again, I’m going to be just as busy during build season with my responsibilities. Who says I’m going to have time to get to know people?

It didn’t hit me until moments ago that this is what I plan to do with my life. Administration. I plan to be in business, and to use my giftings to be an administrator. However, I’m also gifted in getting to know people and making them feel welcome. I don’t want to have to choose between those gifts. I need to use both.

It’s become a personal challenge, in these minutes as I sit here writing to you all. I need to know these new members. I need to know them just like I used to know my team, because they are my team. Then maybe, when I enter the real world, I’ll be just as skilled at being an administrator and a welcoming face at the same time.


Why I’m Not Entirely Hating College Anymore

If you keep up with my blog, you’re well aware of my apprehension towards college and higher education in general. I’ve poured out a lot of my feelings, frustrations, and fears into this blog. However, in the recent month, I’ve been almost warming up to college. Here’s a couple of reasons why.

1) New Experiences.

At first, I didn’t like the idea of new experiences. I’m one of those people who has a great fear of the unknown. However, I’m coming to realize that most of what I’m involved with is going to slip away after this year, and what am I going to spend all my time on? Certainly not Robotics. Definitely not camp. I’ve got to start something new to make up for my lack of busyness.

2) Spiritual Growth.

Complete honesty right now: I’m not in a place in my life where I feel like I’m growing a lot in my faith. There, I said it. My spiritual environment has been really weird this fall; I’ve missed a lot of church because I’ve been serving at camp, and my youth group has all but stopped meeting. Not that youth group was an incredibly spiritually growing environment in the first place, but it was something. I’m ready to be around like-minded people and really grow. (This isn’t to say I can’t use the opportunities God is giving me right now to grow. I don’t believe He’s holding me in some kind of “in-between place” where I can’t grow. I need to make the best of the opportunities He gives me.)

3) New Friends.

This may be the thing I’m most excited for, which is kind of funny to me, but it’s totally true: I’m thrilled to be making new friends. As I look over my life so far, I’ve noticed that a lot of my childhood friends aren’t really my friends any longer. Most people I’ve known for this season of my life will be slipping away sooner rather than later. I’m ready to meet some forever friends, guys! If anyone has read the Christy Miller books, you know the kind of friends I mean. I’m so excited to meet some people who will be a part of my life for the rest of my life. I need best friends, and college will give me a way to get that.

All this said, I’m also kind of concerned about how this is going to play out. I’ve been accepted into two colleges thus far, but I haven’t been earnestly seeking where God wants me to go. I guess we’ll find out where He puts me when He tells me. His timing, not mine.

Also, it feels great to use contractions again. All I’ve been writing lately is formal essays for my AP Language class, and contractions are hugely a no-no. I’ll have to return again soon to revel in my literary freedom.