Emojis and Emotions (and Cookies)

So, I messaged an author on Facebook for advice on formatting Kindle ebooks, and she actually answered me.

I AM SO EXCITED.

Now, if you could actually see me, you’d know that I’m standing at the stove. I plunked my laptop onto the counter so that I could pour a glass of milk, and I’m eating some chocolate chip cookies I baked yesterday. My face is a cross between Grumpy Cat Blank and zombie.

I just messaged a couple of friends to tell them how excited I am. And I am! Internally! And it’s translating through my fingers, I suppose. Because I just put another bite of cookie in my mouth, and I look as bland as a celery stick.

As a member of my generation (I left the word proud out on purpose), I am constantly immersed in technology. It’s everywhere. It’s how I communicate with my friends. How I write my novels. How I even do my devos in the morning. I always thought of myself as a pretty self-aware kid. I certainly wasn’t that kid on her phone, texting her friends when she could be socializing with the people around her.

…oh, wait. That was me, last night, at a drive-in movie. Sitting with my cousin, but preferring an online conversation with someone “inside” my father’s phone over human contact.

Am I still self-aware? Was I ever self-aware? Have I always been this way?

Pardon me while I pop another bite of cookie in my mouth and continue to write this out like am emotionless zombie.

Wait, I use emotions all the time online! I mean, Facebook stickers are pretty great. And emojis? Forget about it!

No, seriously: forget about it. That’s not real emotion.

I feel brainwashed, willingly brainwashed, to this technology I surround myself with. I’ve exchanged human contact for a funny text. Emotions for emojis. Excitement for the ability to type words that sound excited, but in reality are coming from a girl in a pair of sweats downing a glass of milk and a cookie.

Why not spend my time seeking the Lord? Engaging with the people He put on this earth?

After this little cookie-revelation fiasco, that’s how I’d like to spend my time. Re-sensitizing myself to life, and the plan God created.

Because emojis don’t live up to emotion.

(And I’ve finished my cookie.)

The War of the Grass

I’m an only child.

That one statement has impacted my life in countless ways. I’ve had to learn to entertain myself. My friendships mean something extra to me, because so many of my friends have a sibling bond that I’ve never had. I spend more time with my parents than anyone else, honestly.

So when my friends treat me like a sister, it means something different to me. I’ve never experienced being a sister. I’ll never get to experience it. I’m not entirely sure what it means. But when someone does something that, to the best of my understanding, a sibling would do: it makes me glow inside.

A few months ago, I was stuck on a bus trip for fourteen hours. I entertained myself by staring out the window, or listening to my music; but I also talked off a few of my friends’ ears. One of my friends had some music he was listening to, and he handed me one of his ear buds for me to hear a song.

Now, there’s two emotions that go with that. The first is, ew. Those things were in his ears. How often does he clean his ears, those buds are probably disgusting and nasty and have his ear goop on them. And the second is, wow. I don’t share ear buds with people, mainly because reason number one (ew). But he had no reservation of handing me an ear bud, letting me stick it in my ear, and then taking it right back. If I had a brother or sister, I’d like to think that’s something they would do. And that makes me smile, because I never get that kind of interaction.

Only a few days ago, I was at a picnic. One of my friends walked up behind me and put grass on my head. I didn’t shy away from retaliation, so I grabbed a handful of grass myself and stuck it down his shirt.

Thus the War of the Grass began.

Normally, I’m the kid who sees someone with a snowball and a smirk and I yell, “Hey; don’t even think about it!” But for some reason, when my friend’s younger brother also put grass on my head, I started chasing him around the lawn. And then his two brothers chased him, and there was some tackling, and some grass in various baseball caps…

And it was like I had siblings for just a few minutes. I never get that interaction. I don’t have a sister to share a room with and whisper secrets to. I don’t have an older brother who drives me crazy but would protect me from anything. I don’t have a younger siblings who want me to play dolls or want to teach me how to properly throw a football.

I just have me, most days.

So, even though I had to deal with grass in my hair, it put such a smile on my face. I’m so grateful for those kinds of interactions with pretend little brothers.

And the best part is, I totally don’t have to live with them on a day to day basis.