An Average Conversation

Me: Your brother is twenty?

Pineapples: Yup.

Me: Tell him this, word for word.

Me: “The glory days are over. The days of darkness are coming. Soon, very soon, you will eat food and it will not vanish with no consequences. SOON, IT WILL MATERIALIZE ON YOUR STOMACH. A potbelly is in your future. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.”

Pineapples: *pause*

Pineapples: He said you’re weird.

Me: Tell him he’s going to be fat.

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